Flying a kite
"Run! run faster son!" Shouted my father. I was running as fast as I could and the wind was breezing gently by the riverside. I raced along the riverside with my dad, flying a kite. "Isn't it enough?" I said, with a grasp. I was about seven or eight and it was hard to fallow my father's pace. "keep up, you are almost there." My father and I were running up and down the riverside slowly loosening the string making our kites fly towards the sky.
Finally, we made the kites go way up in the sky and he slowed down. I was pleased to watch my kite dancing by the breeze from the river. It was fine until then, suddenly a wind blew strongly and got my kite and my father's kite get tangled. "Ah!" I cried. "What do we have to do?" I said with a disappointed voice, looking at the kites struggling together.
"Well... I think I can handle it"said my father. I watched him as he circled around me, trying to untangle the strings. However, it seemed to get more complicated as he struggled to untie the strings. It look impossible to untie it now. Then suddenly he started to laugh and cut his string which was attached to his kite. "son, sometimes things don't go as you thought it would be; rather than being too much attached to the problem, sometimes you need to let it go." Said my father. I stood there holding on to my kite, watching my father's kite floating freely in the air until it fell.
Well, now I think that letting some of the problems pass by could sometimes be an answer; but I think that it is important to judge whether it needs to be solved or it is a problem you can let it go
Hello, I'm SeongYeon. And I really enjoyed your story. It's very instructive story just like a traditional fairytale. When I first read the story, conversation parts between you and your father makes me more into this story. AndI really like your story's beginning line! So lively! But, at the last line, I think it's a bit confusing in the matter of comparison. To emphasize the importance of judging, I think it will be better to write in a more neat way. Also I wonder the story behind the beginning like the reason you went to fly a knit.:) But still, I think it's a really good story!
ReplyDeleteI liked that the story started with a quote from the author's father. I think it served as an appropriate hook for the story. However, I think it would have been a bit better if the author wrote more about the disappointment he felt when the kite got tangled and the moment the author realized the wisdom of his father's words. Right now, the authors story seems like a folktale or a fable ( albeit a well written one) and does not seem very personal.
ReplyDelete201202968 임정연, Lim Jung Yun
FINAL DRAFT
ReplyDeleteFlying a kite
"Run! run faster son!" Shouted my father. I was running as fast as I could and the wind was breezing gently by the riverside. I raced along the riverside with my dad, flying a kite. "Isn't it enough?" I said, with a grasp. I was about seven or eight and it was hard to follow my father's pace. "keep up, you are almost there." My father and I were running up and down the riverside slowly loosening the strings to make our kites fly towards the sky. Finally, we made the kites go way up in the sky and he slowed down. I was pleased to watch my kite dancing by the breeze from the river. I loved the way it moved floating in the air, freely with joy. I could feel the air above as if I were up in the sky when floating a kite. Time flew and the sun was setting down, it was about time to go home and have dinner. It was fine until then, suddenly a wind blew strongly and got my kite and my father's kite get tangled. "Ah!" I cried. I felt so disappointed to look at my kite loose freedom. "What do we have to do?" I said with a disappointed voice, looking at the kites struggling together. "Well... I think I can handle it"said my father. I watched him as he circled around me, trying to untangle the strings. However, it seemed to get more complicated as he struggled to untie the strings. It look impossible to untie it now. Then suddenly he started to laugh and cut his string which was attached to his kite. "son, sometimes things don't go as you thought it would be; rather than being too much attached to one thing, sometimes you need to let it go, and besides if we spent more time on that kite we would miss dinner time." Said my father. I stood there holding on to my kite, watching my father's kite floating freely in the air until it fell. Well, at the time when my dad cut the string and made his kite fell down. I was a bit sad that my dad couldn‘t untie the strings. I thought my father was making excuses because he couldn‘t solve the problem. But now I know that there is priority to all things. He had thought having dinner on time with the family, was more important than struggling with the kite all night.