Kim Tatiana/ Week 3/ Narrative Composition Tue 3 4
"Earning" money by playing a game.
I'm sure that most of students would say that "I am a usual person so I don't have any special talents or really bright experience in my life". So am I. Due to this homework I looked back on my childhood and tryed to remember if there were actually some interesting moments. Of course there are, but they are too short to write the whole say about it. The only moment that came to my mind is when at first time I "earned" my own money.
I was 13 years old and it was the first time my grandmother taught me how to play in Minhwatu (Korean traditional cards). I was so excited and I really fell in love with this game because I always have been watching my grandmother playing with her friends and I was wondering if someday she will share with me how to do all of that. And actually it's not just a game, it's a gamble game. Yes it's right - my grandmother taught a teenager how to play a gamble game. Maybe for asian people it is not a surprise since gamble games is a part of their traditions, but in my country teaching teenager to do these thing is quite a nonsense. But technically and ethnically we are asian family as well, so no one scolded us. And after about one or one and a half years I was able to play Minhwatu pretty well. But that time I was playing just for fun. So I decided to play for money once. I won,and actually it was unbelievable. I was so happy and proud. I literally considered myself as a professional player who is better than all my grandma's friends. But thinking about it now I'm feeling like "how I was so stupid!" They just succumbed to me.
I think that was the start when I had done some similar mistakes about thinking myself in such a good way and then realized that I'm not better than someone. Because it is not right to bridle up after only one win. And that's not just me, but other people as well simply should give an honest and real grade for their abilities and strengths. I just hope that I will do this mistake as less as possible. And other people too.
Hi, my name is Kim Hee Sun.
ReplyDeletea. I think you should add more details to make your writing seem more real.
b. I was confused a little because at first you said you're going to write about how you earned money for the first time, and then at the end part you talked about how you realized you made mistakes.
c. I like the beggining of this writing. It attracted me a lot.
d. She used past tense which is appropriate.
e. As I mentioned earlier, it would be better if you added more details that makes this writing seem real.
a. I really enjoyed the writing, but I couldn't find the exact point or specific detail that made me feel this story real.
ReplyDeleteb. I got a little confused because the writing starts with 'I'm sure that', which is very strong tone, but the following argument that the writer uses, 'most of students would say that "I am a usual person so I don't have any special talents or really bright experience in my life".' is not something that everybody would agree. Maybe milder tone, 'I think' or 'I assume that' would be nicer.
c. I found that the writer actually stating the thoughts that the writer went through before writing very original. It was interesting, but maybe disturb readers from being immersed in the story.
d. The writer first uses present tense, when talking about the writers thoughts, and then uses past tense to recall the past memory. The change in tense was very appropriate because there is shift in time.
e. Maybe more detail that makes the story more lively would be nice.
a. I think that to make this story seem real you have to write more details and dialogues to make the readers imagine the scene.
ReplyDeleteb. I got a little confused at the end of the second paragraph. I think it would be better to try to connect it with the last paragraph.
c. I think this is a good beginning because it could make some readers agree with what you are saying.
d. The writer uses present and past tense. Yes, the tense change is appropriate.
e. As I wrote before, I think that it would be a better story if the writer adds more dialogue to it. Also, more background information could be helpful.
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ReplyDeleteKim Tatiana/ Week 6/ Narrative Composition Tue 3 4
ReplyDelete“Earning” money by playing a game.
I'm sure most of students would say that “I am a usual person so I don't have any special talents or really bright experience in my life”. So am I. Due to this homework I looked back on my childhood and tried to remember if there were actually some interesting moments. Of course there are, but they are too short to write the whole essay about it. The only moment that came to my mind is when at first time I “earned” my own money.
I was 13 years old and it was the first time my grandmother taught me how to play Minhwatu (Korean traditional cards). I always have been watching my grandmother playing with her friends, having so much fun (and some money) and I was wondering if someday she will share with me how to do all of that. I really fell in love with this game, so when grandmother had agreed to teach me I was very excited. And actually Minhwatu is not just a game. It's a gamble game. Yes it's right - my grandmother taught a teenager how to play a gamble game. Maybe for asian people it is not a surprise since gamble games is a part of their traditions, but in my country teaching teenager to do these things is quite a nonsense. But technically (and ethnically) we are asian family as well, so no one scolded us. So, my grandmother told me everything about rules, bonus combinations, how to count score at the end and all other nuances which this card game has.
After about one or one and a half years I was able to play Minhwatu pretty well. I even taught my best friends to play it, so due to this I gained quite a good practice and experience. But that time I was playing just for fun. So I decided to play for money once since it is a gamble game. When I shared my thoughts with grandmother she said she hadn’t mind about it.
So, I was waiting for a day when her friends would come to us. When the “d-day” came I asked them to play with me in real, for money. They agreed. While playing Minhwatu I did all my best to win, I used almost all my strategies and my experience. And guess what - I won! It was unbelievable. I was so happy and proud because it wasn’t just a score thing, the point is, I won money from adult people! Only because of this victory I literally started considering myself as a professional player who is better than all my grandma's friends. But thinking about it now I'm feeling like "how I was so stupid!" There is no way the amateur with only two years of practice can outplay professional players. Only after a long time I finally understood that they just had succumbed to me in view of the fact that I was a child.
That was the beginning when I started to consider myself above somebody who is some ways worse than me, but merely after growing up I realized that it is an enormous mistake to have such thoughts and I'm not better than someone. That it is not right to bridle up because of only one win. And I simply should give an honest and real grade to my abilities and strengths. I still strongly believe this Minhwatu case one of the most that helped me in comprehending it.