When I was a 13-year-old girl, I moved to Australia and lived there for about a year to learn English. I went there alone without my parents so everything was strange and uncomfortable for me at first.
I attended a local elementary school with the children of my home stay family. As I mentioned earlier, everything was so new and strange to me that I had trouble adapting to the new environment. Also, I was a very shy girl so it made me even harder to get along with the classmates at first. They were very nice, but I think they had some kind of superiority because they spoke English way better than me. I didn't know their culture and didn't know how to get closer to them.
Time passed and I managed to get along with some of the classmates but still I didn't feel close to them. They seemed to be nice just because I'm a classmate who came from a far country. It might have felt like a duty for them to play with me. I always felt left out. At that time, my parents sent me a package from Korea. They sent some presents for my friends and my home stay family. Also, they sent some marbles(공기). It is a traditional play of Korea. 5 little marbles are needed for a game and we throw them up and down. I was very good at it because it was my favourite play so I always played it with my friends every break time at school in Korea. I wanted to share this tradition with my Australian friends. I thought sharing my own culture would make us closer friends.
The very next day, I brought the marbles to school. My classmates loved it. They were bad at it since it was their first time playing, but they were very interested. They were amazed to see how good I was at playing marbles. Since then, my Australian friends wanted to play marbles every recess time. They got better and better at playing the game and even wanted to take the marbles to their home so they can practice more. We played in class, on a bench, and even at playground. We played it even on the weekends. Many students from other classes started to watch our game. Soon our game got popular and other students of different class wanted to play either. Then, believe it or not, almost every girls(marbles is supposed to be a girl's game) played marbles at recess time. It was weird to see foreign students playing Korean traditional game altogether. I was proud to introduce my culture to my Australian friends and was happy that I finally felt much closer to them. It was the power of marbles!
Soon, teachers were interested in those tiny things and it got popular more and more. Eventually, the game was reported in the school newspaper. I was very surprised and happy. Who new I would be on the headlines in another country! Thanks to my little marbles, I made a lot of good friends and my school life got much more fun and happier. It is one of my happiest memories in my life.
a. the third paragraph made it real to me. "Time passed and I managed to get along with some of the classmates but still I didn't feel close to them" People who've studied abroad would've had this experience at least once.
ReplyDeleteb. "5 little marbles are needed for a game and we throw them up and down" Do you just throw the marbles up and down? Is that all for the rules?
c. It's good, it goes straight to the point, but it's a little too original. It kind of reminds me of a person biography.
d. past tense. When you explain your feelings, you change it to present and I think it's appropriate because it makes the reader feel your senses.
e. If you had quotations, it can probably give the readers more to imagine.
JeeEun Kim
Hello there!! First of all, I think it really interesting! Who knew Marbles had those power! While reading your story, I felt like I'm reading fairytale. very cute story! But, I think it will be better if you have more tempting lines at the beginning. Also, I wonder what your friends said when they first saw Marbles! Except for those, it was good!:)
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