A New Beginning
It was January 28, 2014 and I was in Guatemala with my parents and my brother who had got a furlough for a week and a half. It was a blissful night. I had packed all my things and placed them in the living room. It was strange to see my room be empty. "Mom, are you going to miss me?" I asked her with a high pitch who was next to me. Without a change in her face she answered, "No." It was not a surprising answer and I knew she was pretending since I'd had asked the same question several times during that day. Leaving a place and person I had been and known for my whole life was something I had never thought about. However, that day had come.
I hoped the day would go slower however, time passed so rapidly that in the blink of an eye it become the next day 5am. I heard my parents getting ready and the first thing I thought to myself was, 'the day came...' My mom opened the door and in a calm voice she said, "Ari wake up, get ready." As soon as I heard those words I realized that it was all becoming real. I loaded my bags to the car, got inside the car, and we arrived to the airport which is located 30 minutes from my house. The time approached and I and my brother headed to the departure door. My parents gave me the warmest hug and said, "Have a safe flight." Those were the last words and I couldn't say anything because I thought I would burst into tears which would break my parent's heart. As soon as I and my brother entered, I saw my both parents standing outside automatic doors which were closing slowly. As soon as the doors closed, I could not hold back my tears and began crying. "Why are you crying now?" my brother said with a slight smile in his face not knowing what to do. The flight to LA and the first few days in Korea were not enjoyable. I always called my mom and had the urge to go back to Guatemala.
At first I had a hard time to get used to look Koreans all around me, learning new things, and getting to know all my relatives. Now, I got used to living in Korea yet, sometimes I think I am in Guatemala and get confused seeing so many Koreans everywhere. Even these days, when my mom calls me she asks, "Why are you not calling frequently? Where is the girl who never stopped crying and wanted to come back?" and I laugh embarrassed. It was tough at the beginning, but I believe this experience helped me become independent and mature.
I really like how you put quotations inbetween your writing. It makes the story for vivid. When I read it, the memories of myself leaving my parents alone to Korea were in my head. The sad emotion you felt, I felt it too. Good job! - JeeEun Kim
ReplyDeletea. Your use of the dialogues made this experience appear more real. I think dialogues always make scenes more vivid, and it helps me to imagine this in my head.
ReplyDeleteb. Overall, the writing is very clear however there was one point where I had to slightly pause. On your first paragraph, after "Mom, are you going to miss me?" I think you have to rewrite that sentence "I asked her with a high pitch who was next to me." It was your mother who was next to you, so why don't you arrange it to something like this: "I asked with a high pitch to my mom who was next to me."
c. I think you did a great job to start out the writing with a specific date. It provoked my curiosity and I had to wonder 'What happened that day to Ari?'. And since you put the answer to that question, that you were leaving home, at the very last part, I couldn't stop reading until I figured out why.
d. You used the past tense in your writing except for the dialogues, for of course these should be in present tense. And I think this is very appropriate.
e. I enjoyed your writing, but next time maybe you can add more details. For example, try to include a little bit of background in the beginning because the readers honestly have no idea that you used to live in Guatemala. So you can provide a short story as to how you ended up living there, perhaps a bit more about yourself. Also, I think you can write more on when you actually arrived in Korea. What were the new things you learned? How was it getting to know your relatives?
A New Beginning
ReplyDeleteIt was January 28, 2014 and I was in Guatemala with my parents and my brother who had got a furlough from the military for a week and a half. It was a blissful night. I had packed all my things and placed them in the living room. It was strange to see my room be empty. “Mom, are you going to miss me?” I asked with a high pitch to my mom who was next to me. Without a change in her face she answered, “No.” It was not a surprising answer and I knew she was pretending since I’d had asked the same question several times during that day. Leaving a place I was born and raised for my whole life was something I had never thought about. However, that day had come.
I hoped the day would go slower however, time passed so rapidly that in the blink of an eye it become the next day 5am. I heard my parents getting ready and the first thing I thought to myself was, ‘the day came...’ My mom opened the door and in a calm voice she said, “Ari wake up, get ready.” As soon as I heard those words I realized that it was all becoming real. I loaded my bags to the car, got inside the car, and we arrived to the airport which is located 30 minutes from my house. The time approached and I and my brother headed to the departure door. My parents gave me the warmest hug and said, “Have a safe flight.” Those were the last words and I couldn’t say anything because I thought I would burst into tears which would break my parent’s heart. As soon as I and my brother entered, I saw my both parents standing outside automatic doors which were closing slowly. As soon as the doors closed, I could not hold back my tears and began crying. “Why are you crying now?” my brother said with a slight smile in his face not knowing what to do.
The flight to LA and the first few days in Korea were not enjoyable. I always called my mom and had the urge to go back to Guatemala. At first I had a hard time to get used to look Koreans all around me, learning new things, and getting to know all my relatives. I got to see the differences between Korean society and Latin society. For instance, Korean people don’t say bless you when someone sneezes, when Central America say “Salud” or else people might think you are rude. Meeting my relatives, whom I had never saw before was extremely awkward. I had no idea how to react to all the attention they were giving me. Now, I got used to living in Korea yet, sometimes I think I am in Guatemala and get confused seeing so many Koreans everywhere. Even these days, when my mom calls me she asks, “Why are you not calling frequently? Where is the girl who never stopped crying and wanted to come back?” and I laugh embarrassed. It was tough at the beginning, but I believe this experience helped me become independent and mature.