Do you know rowing?.
Imagine the thin and long boat. The boat's name is eight. Name is eight but 9 person can get in. we call 'crew' of 8 person and a 'cox'. In summer vacation rowing contest is held. So rowing club of each university stays in camp for training. I have various sports experience but I think rowing is most hard. Rowing is not popular, so many people confuse with kayak. Rowing and kayak is totally different. I write my experience of rowing club in hufs
One day – the sunlight was very strong and hot. Coach shouted "more strong!" "more faster!" 9 persons sat down on the boat. All were sweating and looked tired. Behind me, one person's speed of row was slowed down. That time, coach riding scooter and following the boat shouted "keep going!"
Because of oar, I was bothered about the blister and blood ran out on my hand. Lunch and dinner time was only break time. Tired. If I was alone, I couldn't bear that training. But I was not alone and we were team. It was hard training but, because of together, we laughed.
Person's ability is important, but 8 persons' unity is more important. Oars of 8 persons must rowed at a same pace.
When washboard appeared on my stomach, contest was only a week off. Like a camp fire, we sat on the floor in a ring and talked about hard training and goals for contest.
D-day
In start line, 5 boats of each university were waiting for starting signal. Our team shouted.
"HUFS Rowing team Fighting!" before starting, I was very nervous. That moment I heard starting signal and I rowed. For 2km , i could think of nothing and just looked former man.
In boat, cox shouted and cheered up crews. I wanted to stop the row but I can't because our team still row.
Finally our team was third. Some members cried. I felt strange in my mind.
Now, when I remind that moment I am upset. Because I did my best, our team did too.
But, we had won the victory over ourselves and enjoyed it a lot. After that, I try to give my best effort in everything I do.
a. The writer used quotation which made the story more interesting and real. Also, the 'D-day' used in the middle of the writing made me think as if I was watching a movie.
ReplyDeleteb. I got confused in the introduction because I had trouble at the first time understanding what the first paragraph was going to say. I really liked the writer starting with a question, which made readers be interested in the writing, but the next sentence doesn't really seem to connect with the question. Also, I consider the mention of kayak was maybe unnecessary.
c. The second sentence of the introduction starts with 'the boat', but there was no boat mentioned before, so maybe it should be changed go 'a boat'. Also, name for the boat is for a particular boat, I think, so there should be explanation.
d.The writer uses present tense for the first paragraph and past tense for the rest of the essay. The introduction is about background information, so present tense is really good. However, the part 'In summer vacation rowing contest is held.' needs some change. If the rowing contest is held every summer, there should be that information. The rest of the essay explains the writer's experience, so past tense would be great.
e. Maybe more background information would be nice. For example, in the introduction, maybe more explanation on the difference between kayak and rowing would be nice. Also, the writer said 'Person's ability is important, but 8 persons' unity is more important. Oars of 8 persons must rowed at a same pace', but the writer didn't explained why. Rowing is a bit unfamiliar sports, so more information would be helpful.
p.s. I really enjoyed your writing. :)
I found it interesting that the author started with a question. It successfully grabbed my attention and I instantly wanted to read more. Although, I had a hard time figuring out what the "One day" was about. I thought there would be information explaining that they were at a college rowing competition or such but there wasn't even at the end which was sort of confusing as I had to assume it on my own. The writer used past tense to describe the event which I thought was appropriate. But, I think it would be better if the writer added why s/he entered the HUFS rowing club and provided a more detailed account of the race.
ReplyDelete201202968 ELI 임정연, Lim Jung Yun
Do you know rowing?.
ReplyDeleteRowing is based on propelling a boat (racing shell) on water using oars. By pushing against the water with an oar, a force is generated to move the boat. There are a number of different boat classes in which athletes compete, ranging from an individual shell (called a single scull) to an eight-person shell with coxswain (called a coxed eight).
Imagine the thin and long boat. What I want to talk is about the coxed eight. Name is eight but 9 person can get in. we call 'crew' of 8 person and a 'cox(the coxswain or simply the cox is the member who sits in the stern facing the bow, steers the boat, and coordinates the power and rhythm of the rowers)'. Because rowing contest is held in every summer vacation. So rowing clubs of each university (HUFS, KOREA, SEOUL, YONSEI, INHA) stays in camp for training. I think rowing is most hard and exciting sport. But rowing is not popular, I want many people know about rowing So, I write my experience of rowing club in HUFS.
Training day
The sunlight was very strong and hot. Coach shouted "harder!" "faster!" 9 persons sat down on the boat. All were sweating and looked tired. Behind me, one person's speed of row was slowed down. At that time, coach riding scooter and following the boat shouted "keep going!"
Because of oar, I was bothered about the blister and blood ran out on my hand. Lunch and dinner time was only break time. Tired. If I was alone, I couldn't bear that training. It was hard training but because of together, we laughed.
In rowing person's ability is important, but 8 persons' unity is more important. Oars of 8 persons must row at a same pace. Although 7 oars are moved at the same time, just 1 oar can break the boat’s balance.
When washboard appeared on my stomach, contest was only a week off. Like a camp fire, we sat on the floor in a ring and talked about hard training and goals for contest.
D-day
Many people came to MISARI boat race course. Rowing club is more than 50 years old. So, many old people and family came to enjoy rowing.
Because of a lot people, entire body of our team was covered by the high heat. Someone shouted. “HUFS GO!” Then members of the race warmed up and smiled.
In start line, 5 boats of each university were waiting for starting signal.
Before starting, our team shouted. "HUFS Rowing team Fighting!"
I had practiced starting position repeatedly. But, I was very nervous. So I didn’t know my form is correct. At that moment I heard starting signal and I rowed. For 2km race, i could think of nothing, just looked former man and rowed.
In boat, cox shouted and cheered up crews. I gasped for breath and wanted to stop the row but I couldn't because our team still rowed.
Finally our team finished third. Many people gave us a big hand, but, members didn’t say and cried. I also felt strange in my mind.
When I remind that moment, I am very happy. Of course, third is very sad but I did my best, our team did too. We had won the victory over ourselves and enjoyed it a lot. First time, I thought rowing club is a waste of time. But now, rowing club takes an important part of university life. I met many people, I could get exciting experience and more confidence. After I met rowing, I try to give my best effort in everything I do.