In summer vacation of 2011 I went to a mission trip. We went to three different countries in Central America which are: Nicaragua, Panama, and Costa Rica. Costa Rica, the second place we went to, is the place I most remember of. Before going to the trip, I was so excited that practicing till dawn was not annoying but enjoyable. The first trip to Nicaragua was inspiring. The next day, in the bus on the way to Costa Rica was cheerful, making lots of noises not knowing what was waiting for us.
After a long four hour ride, I heard the voice of the supervisor turning on the microphone in the bus and said, "We are getting near the 'Indian village' get ready to get off." At that moment I looked outside the windows of the bus and all I saw were the colors green and brown. It was totally different from the place we were in Nicaragua. As I placed my foot to the ground and got off the bus, I was received with a very hot and stuffy atmosphere. We entered the church which had no doors and windows and it was not even painted. I was shocked by the backyard's smell. There were lots of chickens and two "bathrooms'" wooden doors were rotten.
We separated into small groups and walked in the village. I could hear sound of water in the riverside and the wind, but it was hard to listen to voices of the persons living in the village. During two hours we only found five houses. As the evening progressed, going to sleep had become a horror. Since there were no beds, we connected two plastic chairs and slept using sleeping bags as blankets. All I could hear in the darkness were insects flying here and there. I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep the whole night. However, when I opened my eyes it was morning.
Hi, I'm Lee Yae Lim I enjoyed your writing.
ReplyDelete1. I liked the part that you describe the 'Indain village' It seems real to me since you used many senses to tell it.
2. It would be better if you can add more description about Nicaragua in order to make a clear difference from Panama.
3. I liked the part that you described about the smell of that place. and it is also really nice to read a part which is about the sound.
4. Little bit horrible, very unfamiliar place.
5. It seems an unforgettable memories for her
6. would use a comparism in descriptions in order to let people to share your feeling more specifically..
1) I liked the location you chose. I believe Costa Rica isn't a place where many people would have the chance to travel to, and this fact makes the readers become more interested to read on.
ReplyDelete2) I think you could add more details overall. Why was the place especially called "Indian" village? Maybe you can describe some of the things you saw there that reminded you of "indians." Also, tell us more about the church. How big was it? If it wasn't properly painted, how were they then? Use more verbs to help the readers imagine the chickens' actions. Why did you emphasize "bathrooms" in quotation marks? Was there something special about these bathrooms? I think there are lots of areas to add details to and make your writing more interesting. :)
3) You have smell and sound. I like how you mentioned these both because they add more flavor to your writing, however I do feel that you can be even more specific. What was the backyard's smell like? What did the water and wind sound like?
4) This place seems very foreign. It almost feels like a forest with many insects and all the nature around you.
5) I think you chose to write about this place, because of the three countries you went to, you most remember Costa Rica. I think that there is a special reason, but it hasn't been stated yet.
6) When you revise the essay, I think you can focus on your imagery. I think you have already done a good job trying to depict your feelings and emotions, so now you can work on your imagery and allow the readers to actually feel like they were there at Costa Rica with you.
'Indian village'
ReplyDeleteIn summer vacation of 2011 I went to a mission trip. We went to three different countries in Central America which are: Nicaragua, Panama, and Costa Rica. Costa Rica, the second place we went to, is the place I most remember of. Before going to the trip, I was so excited that practicing till dawn was not annoying but enjoyable. Our first destination was Nicaragua, it was inspiring. We went to a small village and played with children, dancing and singing. It was hot and it was raining but, we had a wonderful time with the people that received us with an open heart. After the service, we went to a Korean church in Nicaragua and slept in the dormitories which were big and clean. The next day, in the bus on the way to Costa Rica was cheerful. We were making lots of noises not knowing what was waiting for us.
After a long four hour ride, I woke up when the supervisor turned on the microphone in the bus and said, “Wake up! We are getting near the ‘Indian Village’ get ready to get off.” The only thing we knew was that we were going to an ‘Indian Village,’ but had no idea about the place. I opened my heavily-lidded eyes and looked outside the window of the bus and all I saw were the colors green and brown. It was totally different from the place we were in Nicaragua. As I placed my foot to the ground and got off the bus, I was received with a very hot and stuffy atmosphere. We entered to a single floored church which had no doors and windows and it was not even painted. I went to the backyard and the first thing was, hold my nose. There were lots of chickens in poor built shelters and two ‘bathrooms’ which was not a toilet but two holes and with rotten wooden doors.
We separated into small groups and walked in the village. I could hear sound of water in the riverside and the wind, but it was hard to listen to voices of the persons living in the village. During two hours we only found five houses. All people in the village were wearing the traditional dress of Costa Rica. After visiting some houses we started to join back to the church. As the evening progressed, going to sleep had become a horror. Since there were no beds, we connected two plastic chairs and slept using sleeping bags as blankets. All I could hear in the darkness were insects flying here and there. One and one of my friends started to sleep while I was with my eyes opened like an owl. I thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep the whole night. However, when I opened my eyes it was morning.