Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Kye-yong Lee / Chapter 5 First Draft / Narrative Composition / Tuesday 11am

(title)

We were sitting on the couch in the room watching the movie Titanic. It was what we both saw at least more than twice, but we still love to watch it because it is our favorite movie. After the moive ended, we were still staying as we were feeling the reverberation of the movie. By the time the aftertaste fades away, something curious occured to me. I came to be wondering about her, so I asked her. "Babe, how was when you were young? Please tell me about it." She saw me for a while and soon smiled sweetly. "My childhood?" "Yes, can you describe it?" She was lost in thought for a moment.

After a while she broke the silence and started to talk. "As a child I was very busy. I had a vivid imagination, and I was always living in some kind of dream. For example, I wanted to be the little mermaid when I grew up, and during our summer swimming lessons I imagined that I was a beautiful mermaid on some adventure. I also wanted to be someone very beautiful and graceful, elegant. Someone that everyone liked and admired. Someone who was very capable to doing many things, and wasn't told that I couldn't do something. As I grew older I became a bit of a tomboy because I wanted to prove I could handle things (because you can't prove that being pretty). But my parents and other family members still treated me like a stupid kid, and a lot of time was spent focusing and perfecting my flaws -- birth mark on my finger was removed, eye surgery, therapy (which I abhorred), digestive issues, behavioral issues, learning issues. I felt like the list kept going."

I looked at her eyes, and smiled imagining her childhood. "Can depict your family, and you?" She closed eyes for a while having a smile playing about her lips. "My family... " At length, she began to speak on it. "Specifically about my family members, my sister (younger than me) lied all the time. There were no reasons for her to lie, and she just would. And she always instigated fights, and would purposefully try to outsmart me and almost always succeeded. My mother had some post-partum depression, and the antidepressants made her gain a lot of weight, thus increasing her depression. So I always remember her being very tired and even sad. She often wanted to be left alone, so my sister and I always entertained ourselves -- either outdoors during the summer, or in the house during the winter. My father really wasn't present much when we were little. He worked all the time, and he was good at what he did. He was a person in high demand for whatever issues arose, but issues arose all the time -- especially during family vacations. He would be on conferences calls for the majority of any family vacation. And whenever he wasn't working, he was often quite tired and would watch tv at home or go out golfing for the entire weekend."


3 comments:

  1. Hello, I'm SeongYeon. I enjoyed your writing
    1. I liked your introduction. I think the description was good.
    2. Well, in the first paragraph, for me, it was hard to realize who you were interviewing.
    3. I think your writing's thesis is about your girl friend's childhood. But I cannot see the point of the writing.
    4. "My childhood?" "Yes, can you describe it?" She was lost in thought for a moment.-This part was good.
    5. I think there are too many quotations. And quotations are too long.
    6. It will be good if this essay has the thesis.

    ReplyDelete
  2. 1. What I like about the essay is that there are lots of details that made me imagine the situation in my head.
    2. I read the first paragraph several times to figure out who was the interviewee. So, I think that you should more clear in there.
    3. I can't find a thesis statement in your essay. I think that the most important idea of this interview is your girlfriend's childhood and how imaginative she was.
    4. "Can depict your family, and you?"
    5. I think the number of quotations is enough.
    6. The writer could improve this essay adding a thesis to it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. 1. What I like about the essay is that there are lots of details that made me imagine the situation in my head.
    2. I read the first paragraph several times to figure out who was the interviewee. So, I think that you should more clear in there.
    3. I can't find a thesis statement in your essay. I think that the most important idea of this interview is your girlfriend's childhood and how imaginative she was.
    4. "Can depict your family, and you?"
    5. I think the number of quotations is enough.
    6. The writer could improve this essay adding a thesis to it.

    ReplyDelete